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Demonstrator

by t heislen

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1.
I’m sorry tonight’s not the night I’m the man we’d both like me to be I swear it’s not you or even anyone else I’m just trying to get this heart off my sleeve I’ve got to watch out for personal questions and pulling wheat out with the weeds I’m not trying to wash a bad taste out of my mouth I’m just trying to get this heart off my sleeve Try to be nice and still come out looking nasty the grizzled old wolf clothed in virgin fleece crawling out of bed, looking in the mirror at one p.m. in the morning trying to figure out who the hell I’m supposed to be I hope someday I’ll get to see the results of my good deeds in the meantime, please excuse me I’m just trying to get this heart off my sleeve Swinging in on a vine to an emotional rescue but Tarzan ain’t who anyone wants or needs searching for a face that’s anything other than the one that I was born with why can’t I draw a line short of anything to please? Maybe someday I’ll think I’ve earned the right to climb down from this tree In the meantime, please excuse me I’m just trying to get this heart off my sleeve ©Terry Heislen, bmi
2.
Father was just a rumor, Mother lived at two jobs; a half-dozen aunts who came and went and never spared the rod. The men I knew seemed to live on the stoops, their days were posing and drink. They were going to or coming from jail or a war, and trying hard not to think. Where was I gonna go? How was I gonna change my scene? What could I know to change my world from gray to green? My best friend started huffin’ – faded away like paint in the air. The world didn’t seem to miss him, just ground on like he was never there. My brother played ball but never had a chance, he never could learn to read. From a crowded classroom to a seat at the bar, playground hero ain’t much to be. Where were they going to? How were they gonna change their scene? What could they know to change their world from gray to green? Now I’m just a rumor -- I’m better off less known. While prison teaches my brother how to hate every day for the crime of nowhere to go. The preachers call on us all to forgive, the world just wants revenge. I’m just lookin’ for a place to lay low, crawlin’ my way West. Going to I don’t know - somewhere I’m praying I will see an open hand who knows how to trade my gray world for green. © Terry Heislen, bmi
3.
Who Were You 03:27
Where are you now? Where did you go? Did you pawn your crown for something we don’t know? Was a bit of it real, the face we thought we knew? Did we ever hold a piece of the one true you? Can you tell me – can you tell me – can you tell me who were you? Is it still a big deal when the eagle flies? Still make you feel real to treat twenties like fives? Who were you then? Who are you on this day? Has there ever been anyone who saw all the way to the child, the teen, the old one you’ve hidden away? Where do you walk? Are there days you still fly? Can you talk the talk of yesterday’s life? Can you tell me – can you tell me – who were you? ©Terry Heislen, bmi
4.
Certainty 03:04
Some say they know when the world will end Some give the date they say it began Some say they hold the key to life Some have a master plan Some say there is a special one who waits for every man But I -- I don’t know Some say life is ruled by destiny Some credit chance for all they’ve done Some say life’s purpose lies in work Some only live for fun Some say they know what Jesus wants from each and every one But I -- I don’t know I don’t know anything for certain -- that’s what I’ve learned Every sure thing that I’ve bet on is every time that I’ve been burned Some claim to have their lives well ordered-- they keep the horse before the cart Some men are called a masterpiece, their own best work of art Some say that time will heal all wounds and mend each broken heart But I -- I don’t know I don’t know anything for certain -- that’s what I’ve learned Every sure thing that I’ve bet on is every time that I’ve been burned Some say that time will heal all wounds and mend each broken heart But I -- I don’t know ©Terry Heislen, bmi
5.
Don’t tell me that you mean it like you mean it Don’t tell me that you mean it like you mean it Don’t ask me move from the dents I’ve worn in this old comfy chair Don’t tell me that you mean it like you mean it Don’t tell me that you mean it like you mean it Don’t you dare stand up and really show you care I’m comfortable in my slow slide down rather be an empty suit than some damned clown I’m quiet, respectable, pious and clean not some box of noise out to make a scene Don't tell me... Nothing you can say will turn my head Got a good life here – exciting as lead Can’t move me off my chosen line toward a quiet room with vats of empty time Don't tell me... Ah, take that passion somewhere else don’t you care about us, don’t you care about yourself Ah, take that passion somewhere else don’t you dare try to dare me off that shelf Don't tell us... You troublemakers are all the same trying to hold my hand to an open flame What the hell do you want me to feel break my jeweled egg on your frying pan of real? Don't tell me... ©Terry Heislen, bmi
6.
Steam rises from the kitchen sink as you let the water cool Your wife’s at work pounding out her dreams and the kids are safe at school It’s cold, but the car’s not running right You’ll probably want to pull the plugs tonight after you give yourself some time to write and bring your family home to the love you have to give them It’s not a world to be cast into where babies are driving tanks Their parents’ lives are stamped and mortgaged by a thousand failing banks The world’s your palette but it’s hard to look into -- so many hurt so many for the sake of so few No one wants to hear you sing it but you still have to for the love you have to give them Another night, another bar scratching your guitar Sweat, dreams, booze and dust blend on the floor for the love you have to give them The dishes dry up above the sink as you stare into your beer and hope the love that’s brought you safe this far will somehow keep you here It’s been a few years since you slipped the yoke some can squint at your life and call you a joke but there’s a smile and dance even though you’re broke in the love you have to give them ©Terry Heislen, bmi

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released August 1, 2010

written, performed and recorded by t (affix blame accordingly)

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t heislen Plano, Texas

Plays right, writes left.
Pipes, passion, and a 12-string.

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